It's been a while since we've released a lesson for absolute beginners, but we're back in the saddle today with a sequel of sorts to our earlier podcast on how not to be confused for a Scientologist during your weekend trip to Xi'an. So if you've ever fancied yourself more a Brad Pitt (or Angelina Jolie) take a listen as we teach you how to introduce yourself to the locals in style. Maybe you'll get a free lunch out of it.

In addition to sharing some useful language for passing yourself off as a celebrity in China, in this lesson we also introduce a dead-easy sentence pattern you can use to indulge in unsubstantiated celebrity gossip or tell others how you feel. So if you're an absolute beginner give this lesson a listen. And if your Chinese is more advanced, swing by our lessons archive and look for something a bit more suited to your level of difficulty.

In the spirit of better-late-than-never, we're pleased to release the latest episode of Film Friday, our Hollywood guessing game with a Chinese twist. So join us as we showcase a mystery clip from a Hollywood film. The dialogue is native-level Chinese, but we review it line by line to highlight the more difficult vocabulary. And if you think you know the film, be sure to write echo@popupchinese.com. Every week we give a lucky winner a month of free premium access to Popup Chinese. Maybe this week it will be you?

So it looks like Film Friday is going to be Film Saturday this week because of forces beyond our control and general mayhem in the recording studio. Until tomorrow then, we're proud to give you this Advanced HSK test originally scheduled for release tomorrow. As with last week's test, this is a Find-the-Mistake test. The questions here are among the most difficult you will find when taking the Advanced HSK exam.

If you have been working through our archive of previous Find-the-Mistake tests, you may find this test a bit easier than most. It is definitely less tricky at the beginning, but we suggest being careful at the end! If you have any questions or comments, remember you can always write to us at echo@popupchinese.com or leave us a comment. Good luck!

When Jake entered graduate school, part of the thrill had been the feeling of entering a world of covert scholarship, a world of kinship between him and his peers. "Literacy or death," they had solemnly pledged over pints of ale with all the earnest intensity of youth. They had considered themselves guardians of the written word, protectors of language itself.

Now fifteen years older, a part of him still believed in that romantic ideal of lexicography, but the truth was his whole life had been sheltered within the soft confines of academia. Until now that was. Staring at the blank leaf of paper before him, Jake's hands tightened in fear. There were far too many entries missing from this dictionary for it to be coincidental. But who had stolen them? And why?

Every now and then we get a dialogue that's a bit different from the rest, and today is a case in point. We haven't really had a lesson quite like this since the time we locked our entire recording staff in the studio and headed out for Sichuan food. Sometimes different is good.

And while we're not afraid to gossip, what matters in our dialogue today is less the scandalous revelation and more the casual nature of the spoken Chinese you'll hear. This is the way people actually talk when they're gossiping or just hanging out in the office. As much as most places emphasize getting the tones right, bear in mind as you listen that communication is as much about emotion as about pitch and word choice.

In the spirit of giving you some time to recover from the Blitzkrieg that was our last Elementary dialogue, our lesson for today slows things right down. One of the parties to our dialogue barely speaks, in fact. So join him, and a close friend of his, in the hospital for a moment of unguarded intimacy....

As you'll know if you've explored our extensive archive of Advanced HSK tests, these find-the-mistake questions are sheer murder. Your challenge is simple but difficult: identifying which section of a lengthy passage has a serious problem with Chinese grammar or word usage.

And while these questions are difficult there is good news too: the points on which they are testing you are not random. These are the same tricks the HSK Committee uses to ferret out non-native speakers. So make note of your errors and remember to review the questions you answer incorrectly using our test center on occasion. And remember: if you have any questions you can always leave us a comment or write us by email at echo@popupchinese.com.

Having infiltrated the secretive HSK Consortium, Dirk Pitt gazed out over a darkened lecture hall. On the stage not far below, a small, bespeckled figure paced back and forth. "Occasionally a few students will get past our first line of defense," he stammered, pausing to let his audience's murmurings of unease die down. "In the past fewer still have breached our second line, although their numbers are growing with each passing day...."

And there! On the screen behind him the Popup Chinese logo lit up for a moment like a beacon of hope in a fallen world. Dirk's heart swelled with pride as the white and red symbol brought a familiar light and hope into that darkened cavern. And then it was gone and the awful truth set in. So this was their game? The glory of the free world to be exterminated by a cabal of Oriental pedagogues? There was little time to waste: too much was stake.

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HSK Tip #1: Popup Chinese already has thousands of test questions focused on the exact same trick points you will face on the real exam. If you're serious about acing the HSK, be sure to explore our archives. Taking even a single test every day will put you ahead of the crowd.

As the fall semester faded, a strange energy seized the student body. When freed for lunch or recess, the boys would spring from their seats and rush to the far quarter of the playground, where they would cluster in small circles and barter excitedly. And somehow at the center of it all, Xiao Luo began to exude a quiet confidence far beyond his years....

Our intermediate lesson for today has a longer dialogue and some of the best voice acting we've done to date. It is probably also the only Chinese lesson in the world that teaches inhalant-related vocabulary, along with language you can use when disciplining your child. Not that we recommend using these in daily conversation, but you never know when you'll end up facing down an unruly mob of Chinese youth.

The HSK had been seen back at O'Malleys, whispers claimed, and a thirst for vengeance seized the wharf. Driven on by food and drink, the factory boys had mocked its challenge the year before, and each had been knocked unconscious in turn. Their physical bruises had healed in time, but their brief encounter with the Chinese proficiency test had given the men something that wasn't there before.

It was shame, and it had sharpened itself in the year they waited for the HSK to return. Time had lent them a hunger for revenge. And so they had organized: spending cold weekends and evenings reviewing the Chinese language, stripping it of its mystery and coming closer to understanding the thing which had defeated them. The entire wharf had been studying Chinese for months in anticipation of just this day. And now it was here.